what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
