I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
