Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
