when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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