I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
