Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
