You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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