Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My dick has a subreddit
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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