Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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