i was rollin on her like bob the builder
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
