I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
