How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
