Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
