That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
