And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
