apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
