They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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