hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize