There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
