Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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