I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
