That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I fill condoms, not promises.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
