Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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