lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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