We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize