Do you still have your period?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
