i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
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