I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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