i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
