idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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