i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
