Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
