Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
