Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize