I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
high people should be assigned attendants
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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