I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize