if you like me you must not know who I am
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize