Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
