Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
