...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I will die if light touches me.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
