If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
