dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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