This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
