Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Four minutes until I can fart!
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize