how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
