he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize