don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
