I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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