forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
