every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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