I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
