just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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