sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
