I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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