My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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