You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize