I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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