I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
