so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
