I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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