So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
