tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
