please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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