Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
i think my cat just said my name.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
