I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Couch. On fire.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
