I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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