I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
