remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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