my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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