My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
my sisters under your porch take her home
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
