You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
