Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
