You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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