Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She's the barista slut.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
