remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
