Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
