White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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