I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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