Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
