Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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