non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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