You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
