At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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