Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
