She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Moan for me like Helen Keller
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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