I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize