I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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