From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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