I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
