I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize