guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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