I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
