I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
