Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize