So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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