mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize