the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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