I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
