Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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