dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
