i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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