Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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