You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
