Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I have aggressive nipples.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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