birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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