laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
